just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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