Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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