my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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