Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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