You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
