So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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