I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
