so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
