I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize