i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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