The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am naked and annoyed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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