if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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