Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I touched a dick in church today
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
