At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
