those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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