I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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