what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
