Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
