I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
