Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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