Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
