Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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