My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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