Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
