dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
