I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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