I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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