You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
