My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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