I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
