i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
