ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
