i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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