I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
