He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
