You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
