My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
