You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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