I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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