I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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