no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
