i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
