sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
