my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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