i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
