On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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