I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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