Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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