if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
