So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
