i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
