he wants to bone in the snuggie
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
