I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
