there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
