dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
