those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
