i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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