I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
