I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm really busy with my period
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