Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
