I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
