her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Pants are for mortals
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize