So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
