I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
