how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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