I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
