we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
