Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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