So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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