He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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