dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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