I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
