i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Swine flu. Run for my life!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
