the condom got lost in my hair
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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