Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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