We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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