The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
