Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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