Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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