By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
